THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize