Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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