I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
