every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
