I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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