I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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