so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize