It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize