she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
