She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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