I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
