her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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