I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
