That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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