Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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