just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize