I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize