so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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