have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize