I am in a vortex of obligation.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize