What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
