Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
