Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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