K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
only you would photoshop your dick
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
