he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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