if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
