who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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