I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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