You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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