just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
