dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
