Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
