Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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