your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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