i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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