Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
