lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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