I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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