there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
