her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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