My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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