Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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