No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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