This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
