You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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