Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
