i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
