so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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