Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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