is your mom at the bar?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
