Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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