Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
