Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
