you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
