I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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