Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
it's like iHOP with fire
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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