i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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