This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
