I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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