youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
