he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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