help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
