Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
