The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He shit in the fireplace
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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