When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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