Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
