i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
