The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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