I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
