he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
