Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize