You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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