Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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