Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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