so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
