i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize