I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
