9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
