D3 body, D1 cock
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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