Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
one might say we're banned from that church
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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