The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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