the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Every concussion has its silver lining
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
