one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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