You work out of a Hotel?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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