I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize