I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
