I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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