living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
