the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
