Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
