my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
