I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
