that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I deserve this hangover.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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